project:Re-Invention 23 III 2010

I've dropped almost 10lbs in the last 2 weeks, both from change in meds and stress. Not the best way to be dropping the weight, but I'll take anything at this point!

project:Re-Invention 11 III 2010

Today starts the new drug regimen of Lexapro to see if that will help with the feelings of hopelessness, but right now I don't see how that's going to be possible. This morning it just feels like my life is falling apart around me, slowly but surely, and I have no one to blame but myself. I'm thinking I'm going to have to be taking on a second job again, which in my current state may not be the best idea, but it's the only solution I can think of to my money problems. It's either that, hope for winning the lottery or going to my uncle, which I won't do, so another job it is. I'm going to be going through the huge amount of collectible stuff that I have around the house here and starting to sell that as well, and any money that I make from that will be going right to bills. If I'm ever going to get out of Lansing, the only way that will be able to happen is if I get my money situation under control. The fact that I thought I was paying off my car this year when in fact I still have another year to go was a hard blow to take yesterday and yet another reason why I feel like such a failure. Six months ago everything about this year was supposed to be the year where my life was going to come together, and now it just seems to unravel, thread by thread, until I'm afraid there's not going to be much left of it, unless I do the one thing that I don't want to do, and that's take on a second job. It will change everything about my life and while it will help with the money situation, I'm afraid that it will take away all the things that do keep me "sane" right now. These are the days when I hope that I don't fall too much under the influence of myself. I wish today had a better outlook on things, but at this moment, at the start of this day, I'm feeling pretty hopeless and futile.


Re-Invention Initiative - Self-Improvement

project:Re-Invention:try

That's all I want to do, try.
Try to do my best.
Try to make myself better.
Try to be the best friend I can be.
Try to be better to myself.
Try to get my life back together.
Try to get back to myself.
Try.
And eventually, do.
And eventually, succeed.

project:Re-Invention 10 III 2010

A small amount of Re-Invention today, but every little step helps, right? I'm cleaning out my work space. I've accumulated a large amount of crap, for lack of a better word, over the years and I want it gone! Working at a job for 13 years, you get a lot of stuff that you don't need anymore, so I'm taking the better part of today, while it's slow around the office, to do some early spring cleaning and if it isn't something that is useful to me in getting my job done, then it is no longer needing to take up space around my desk. Clutter, be gone!


Re-Invention Initiative - Re-Organization

project:Re-Invention

A work in progress and coming soon.

Photo du jour

OK, today you get a twofer from my latest trip to Chicago. I'm trying out a new app on my iPhone, so you may be seeing several of these types of photos coming across here soon.

Magdalene Sculpure by Dessa Kirk

The Art Institute of Chicago

New postcrossing!

I received a new postcrossing postcard in the mail!

This one came from Taiwan (I've been getting quite a few from there these last couple of weeks):

 

The description on the card reads "Chi-shang, Fu-de Temple, Rape Flowers Fields".

The kindness of a complete stranger

Maybe someday soon, when my life slows down a little, I'll write about what has been going on recently. Some good, a lot not so good, all of it moving toward a better me. Hopefully.

But, I have to share this here. I belong to an amazing social networking website called LibraryThing. It's for book people, like me. And it is populated by some of the most intelligent, witty, caring people that I have even been privileged to know. And it has been slowing coming out there how I have been having some troubles, and one amazing person whom I just got to know this year, not even 3 months really, wrote to me today:

It is a long, difficult journey, but in the end the wonderful person called David will shine through, just like a richly woven tapestry (your LT name)....

Tapestries contain rich, varied colors, subtle nuances and a lot of energy to weave the many varied threads. When finished, they are a joy to behold. My experience in observing tapestries (my favorites are at the Closters, a branch of the Metropolitan Art Museum in New York) is that you need to stand back from them in order to take in their full beauty.... When seen from a different perspective, all the spectacular work that went into the making resonates with the soul.

Make sense?

Words are unable to express the depth of the emotions that went through me when I read that, but I do know that this person is a beautiful soul and quite possible one of those angels masquerading as people on this planet, and today I feel blessed by her kindness. And for a change, it brought me to tears, but of happiness instead of sadness, because in her words I found hope for myself, which has been missing for quite a long time now.

I only hope that someday I can repay the kindness that she has shown me.