We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. ~May Sarton

from my bookshelf

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


So. 2014.

I'm such a sucker for that whole New Year, New Me mentality. There's something about being able to wipe the slate clean, start over fresh, package up the frustrations from last year and put them away, frame the best bits of last year and hang them on the wall that just makes me feel like anything that I put my mind to is possible. Then somewhere about March-April, I'm back to my usual self and nothing is getting accomplished. I usually set such over the top, romanticized expectations for myself that they always fall flat.

So. 2014, I want to handle you a little differently this year.

2013 wasn't necessarily a bad year, don't get me wrong. There are some rather spectacular memories that I'll cherish forever that came out of this past year, but it also seemed to be a highly challenging year, and not just for me. I was out having dinner with Brad and Ann today, and all three of us agreed that there was just something about 2013 that we were all very happy to say goodbye to. However, I do feel that some of the challenges have spit me out as a better person. I'm more focused on my health than ever, I feel like I'm finally understanding, after almost 39 years, how my mind works, and I'm ready to take these things and make them even better in 2014.

There will be no resolutions for me this year. Instead, I think I just want to stay on the same path that I'm on and continue to make it better. I've been increasing the amount of time that I spend at the gym, going from 2 days a week to 4-5 days now. I'm still "training" for my half marathon in February, but I want to do better than that. I've discovered that I really enjoy running. It helps clear my mind, and cuts down on the internal chatter that goes on almost constantly. I want to keep track of my miles that I run/jog/walk/crawl this year, but only those that are geared toward exercise. I'm not going to count walking around while I'm shopping, for instance. I want a good solid count of miles that I've accomplished. I want to do at least 1 mile per day on the treadmill, outside, I don't care how I do it. That's 10 minutes out of my day. If I can't find 10 minutes out of my day to accomplish that, something is wrong.

I need to eat better. Of course, this is something that always can be worked on, but there is no reason why I can't cook myself decent meals on my own. I like to cook. I like to eat. These things should just go naturally hand in hand.

I want to get more organized and focused, which I can see is already working in my favor. Finally discovering that I have ADD these last couple of months has really helped me understand why I am the way I am. The new medication that I am on, while I didn't think was doing anything for me at the start, seems to have finally started doing what it is supposed to be doing in the last couple of days. I do feel more focused and energized and I feel like I can gets things accomplished, like getting my house into order. I've let things slide the last couple of months that I previously would not have, and I'm looking around me right now and I'm concerned by how badly I let things go around the house.

I want to read more. Not that this is ever something different, but I want to be able to focus better on it. I've always wanted to hit that 120 book mark, and while I thought I was going to do it last year, I fell woefully behind to the point where there was no way I was going to catch up, especially when I quit reading somewhere in September/October this year. Of course, that didn't stop my shopping like I was still reading, and my TBR pile grew exponentially this year. I want to try to shrink it a little. I want to read anything new that comes in to the house, and I want to make some kind of dent in the amount of books that I own and haven't read. I'm going to continue with my book group. They are such a great group of people and we have such fantastic discussions about our books! I feel privileged that they invited me to join their little group.

I want to make art.

I want to make music.

I want to remember that it is OK to say no.

I want to feel centered.

I truly, deep down believe that so long as I keep doing what I'm doing right now, these things are perfectly achievable and should fall into place naturally.

Chad has challenged me to write about each day this year. I'm going to give it my best shot.

So. 2014. Bring it on, because I really feel like I'm going to kick ass this year.

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