We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. ~May Sarton

from my bookshelf

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Weight and numbers: a constant battle

I need to stop fixating on my weight as a number. My clothes are fitting better. I've been working out three or more times a week for almost two months. People who haven't seen me recently comment on how I'm looking. And yet when I get on scale, and see that number staring back at me, a number that has been going back up again... well, it's enough to make me want to buy a cheesecake and eat it. All of it.

I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way I feel about the way I look. I hate not being happier with myself the way I am. I hate that the term "fatty fatty bum bum" continually runs through my head like the soundtrack to my life. That is an excessive amount of hate. And I don't know what to do to fix it, other than keep doing what I'm doing and hoping that the results will be worth it in the end.

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