We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. ~May Sarton

from my bookshelf

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Time for oneself

It's been a quiet week around here, but not for lack of things to do. It has been a hectic week, recovering from my coworkers vacation and trying to catch up on work from last week. Trying to get myself caught up and ahead for my own travels in just a few short weeks. Working on logos and websites for freelance work. Reading books for review. Going to the movies midweek with a friend. Added together, this makes for a very busy week, and when I'm still not feeling 100% from when I was sick last month, I find that it takes a lot out of me.

I had plans and aspirations for today, many of which are not going to come to fruition. I wanted a walk this morning, to start my day with exercise and a beautiful morning, but my bed was so comforting, that I decided I needed to listen to the morning through my window, still in bed, as opposed to experiencing it first hand. I don't do that often, sleep in like that, even on the weekends. My internal schedule still wakes me by 6:45 most mornings, as it did this morning, and I usually listen to that internal alarm, but not this morning. I decided that I needed a little more time in glorious sleep. I'll regret that this afternoon, when I'm scrambling, desperately trying to still get everything done today that I wanted accomplished. But like C told me yesterday, I do need to take more time for myself, that I spend too much of my time worrying about others and what they need and ignore myself too often. Which is probably half the reason that I can't get over being sick. That I still feel the way I do, some morning waking with panic attacks so strong that I have trouble breathing. These are the things that I need to start letting go, and living life, not just for others, but for myself.

Listen to the people around you, David. They know of what they speak.

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