What can I do to make a permanent change in myself? I sat at home last night, by myself, and simply seethed with anger. M---- and I got into an argument yesterday evening while I was on my way home from work, and it completely changed my entire attitude. After Tuesday and my unexplained anger, and then last night, and now today, I feel like I need to scream, fight, run away...I feel like I am slipping back into the negative patterns from last year, and I can't let that happen again. How do I change so that when something like this happens, I can just smile, wave and let it pass me by?
Maybe it's not something that can actually change, but a complete force of will to not allow myself to get wrapped up in my feelings. I feel like deleting this post entirely, because it seems so redundant, said so many times before...GAH! **stupid stupid stupid**
I was in such a foul mood that I didn't even call S---- back. She seemed so happy last night in her voicemail, that I didn't want to ruin her evening with my crap mood. I guess what I really needed last night was a Scone of Positivity, but alas, as S---- and I were discussing night before last, we're not in Ireland right now, and proper Scones of Positivity are hard to come by in the States. I told C--- the other day that when things are bad, it's our friends that help prop us up at the end of the day and get by. Maybe I really need to take my own advice for a change, because chances are, had I gone and done something with S---- last night, she would have been able to get me into a better mood in no time. In fact, we probably could have tottled right over to Panera and gotten a Scone of Positivity right there, because it's not so much the scone that gives the positivity, but the company that you keep while eating the scone.
Wow. Life's lessons learned through a scone (a hypothetical scone, at that). Will wonders ever cease?