We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. ~May Sarton

from my bookshelf

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mame, 2006-2012

So, today was a very bad day. I had to let Mame go. The cancer had finally gotten the better of her and she was slowly wasting away as she wouldn't eat anything. After a long talk with the vet, we decided the best and kindest thing we could do was to let her go.

Quite frankly, I was not prepared for this at all. Not that anyone ever is, but Mame was so young. My mom was supposed to have left on vacation and I was to be watching the house, dogs and cats for her, and really, the only part of that I was looking forward to was getting some good time with Mame. Instead of a solid month with her, I got a half hour with her this morning and got to hold her while she was injected. It's not fucking fair. She was my dog, and I had no time with her. I feel like I never really had time with her, unless I was house sitting.

I know I shouldn't be this angry, but I am. I feel like my entire time with her could be condensed down to a couple of years of her life. She was only six. She should have been with me longer. I should have brought her over here. I should have fought more to see her. But I didn't, and now it's too late. And my puppy is gone and life goes on and it sucks. It just fucking sucks.

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