We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. ~May Sarton

from my bookshelf

Monday, February 12, 2007

I am (not) Weak

I tell myself that I am weak, for giving in and emailing C--- today. But I don't know that this is the truth. Is it a weakness to care about someone, to wonder how they are doing, if they are happy? I don't think so, because I would like to think that there are people out there, people that I consider my friends, that think these things about me. This is a very self-serving and egotistic thought, but one that I believe many people have, as these are qualities that are important in making up a friendship, and are important to both sides of that friendship.

I know some of my friends will shake their heads and agree that I am weak for doing it, but I need the peace of mind to at least know that he is well and, hopefully, happy. I need to know that I am strong enough to not walk away from a 10 year friendship just because my feelings got hurt. I know I've hurt peoples feelings in the past, and I'm thankful to those who have not turned their backs on me. I am glad that they thought enough of our friendship to put aside their anger or hurt and move on. Can I be any less of a friend? I don't think I'm weak for having emailed C---. Foolish maybe, because it may have accomplished nothing but bring me hurt, but at least I am strong enough to look beyond hurt feelings to see the importance of a friendship. I just hope my other friends can see past that too, and not judge me too harshly for caring.

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